Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
