I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
