god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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