Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
