I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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