Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
