The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I need moral support for this bender
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
