I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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