Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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