Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
