morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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