in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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