he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
