Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
