Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So much rum. So many feels.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
