No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you win again, gameday.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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