Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
