Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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