so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
