If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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