I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
