I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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