I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
