You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
