Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
