Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
