covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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