I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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