you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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