he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
