I just pynch a tree in the face
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
