areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
