dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
