I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
