Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
