im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
