She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
