Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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