I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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