Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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