i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my shit smells like andre
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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