I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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