"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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