I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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