Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
