She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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