Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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