Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
