Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
