Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
