question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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