It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
