There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
