Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
