In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
