Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
