i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
