i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize