Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
