You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
