But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
