how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
