Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That reminds me...we need to get swords
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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