Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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