The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
