I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
