it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
