This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
