I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
