I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm really busy with my period
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