Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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