either way he was missing a nipple.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
