I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize