Only a mothe r could love this liver
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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