I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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