How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
try to milk me bitch
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
