I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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