you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
