just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
