just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
