dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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