so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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