I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
