I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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