And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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