whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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