Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
