What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
