Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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