why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
