whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize