So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
