She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
