Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
