So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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