Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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