can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
