I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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