I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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