So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
