could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this beer tastes like vomit already
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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