so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
