I will die if light touches me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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