would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize