just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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